What would I be like in a year? A year ago, I mused upon this question. 2020 was the year meant to be the most happening of my four years of secondary school. Not only would the academic rigour increase steeply, but I would also be stepping up in the extra-curricular programmes.
That was something to ponder about. With the added stresses of school, how would my spiritual life fare? Would I be so caught up in the duties of school that I forget my overarching purpose of being a witness for Christ? With that in mind, I prayed much for God’s mercies to keep me close to Him, to use the trials to drive me closer to Him.
Hence, it was with this anticipative attitude that I stepped into 2020. I expected it to blast in my face. Tiredness, stress and the inability to cope would engulf me. Then, I would pray and God would carry me through. It would be a dramatic year with many glimmering opportunities to see God working in my life.
And right there, when I was ready to battle all the struggles I had built up in my mind, COVID-19 dumped itself in front of me. It halted me in my tracks. Circuit-breaker, home-based learning, reduced academic rigour and lessened responsibilities; everything had changed. My conjured battles which had merely begun were discontinued.
Soon, things slackened. With 16 extra hours in my hands each week, the world seemed to slow down. It was this unexpected turn of events which threw me off. I thought that my preparations were futile – there were so few ‘trials’ anyway. What I failed to realise, however, was that the battles were still present, albeit in a different, more seductive form.
My failure to recognise these new forms of battles resulted in many defeats. I wasted hours in worthless trifles, failed to reach out to the brethren and did not grasp the time to build myself up in God’s Word. Above all, I lacked prayer.
Perhaps, it was the want of trials which caused me to forget that I needed God, that I could do nothing. It could have also been the accentuated laziness which caused me to forsake prayer. Either way, it was detrimental to my spiritual walk with God. My zeal for Him gradually diminished as a result of this lack of communion with Him.
Despite all my failures, God has been exceedingly merciful. He showed me through sermons, parents’ rebukes and quiet time passages that He wants me to return. Just as He strongly desired the Israelites to turn back to Him when they were in captivity, He wants me to come back to Him. His love for me is no less due to my failures. After coming back to Him, there are battles to fight again, this time, with His help.
What would I be like in a year? New thoughts fill my head as I think about my final year in secondary school. It would be a challenge. There will be new battles to fight. However, from what I have learnt from this year, I am praying for:
- More prayer, no matter the circumstances
- Wisdom to spend every minute for His glory
- Strength to go through each trial faced
- Trust to lean on Him to guide me each step of the way
Whatever I become, may God be merciful to hold me close to Him. Only He can.
We have not served thee as we ought;
Alas! The duties left undone,
The work with little fervour wrought,
The battles lost or scarcely won!
Lord, give the zeal and give the might,
For thee to toil, for thee to fight.
[ Wong En-Si ]
#guestpost2020testimony
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